Above Board: Doing Hard Things...Together

I love doing jigsaw puzzles, but recently, I was working on a particularly hard one.

I noticed as it sat on the table for months that I was avoiding working on it. It just seemed too complicated. Then my son-in-law came over and got excited about it. As he sat at the table, I felt myself drawn in and stood first on one side and then another finding pieces to put in place. 


At first, I thought it was just a matter of seeing the puzzle from a slightly different angle that made the difference. That probably helped, but I think the real difference is that I didn’t feel alone anymore. Someone else came in with a fresh pair of eyes and excitement to take on this beast of a puzzle.

This is a good metaphor for thinking about leadership. Sometimes, as clerk of Friends Select’s board of trustees, I get caught in the trap of thinking I have to figure something out on my own. But when I remember that this is a false narrative and I reach out to a fellow board member or ask a committee or the whole board to bring their wisdom and experience to the table, I get re-energized and together we create a solution to the problem at hand.

The other benefit is that it encourages engagement from others. We have a highly engaged board made up of alumni, parents, and members of the Quaker meetings that have care of Friends Select. Individually and collectively, we are charged with putting the best interest of the school and its mission first.

One of our trustees shared with me that she is on many boards but none of them have our high level of participation. She thinks that is at least in part because we use Quaker decision-making. This model is one whereby the clerk isn’t responsible for coming up with an answer; the clerk is responsible for creating a process whereby different perspectives can be expressed. Decisions aren’t left to the will of the majority. This decision-making process can take longer, but it invites us to really listen to one another with open minds and open hearts. The clerk is listening for where there is unity.

Whenever the board needs to make a decision, my prayer is always that God will support us to say what we need to say, release our egos, and listen for something that may never have occurred to us when we began. This works best when those involved are fully engaged and committed to our sense of purpose. 

Along with the board of trustees, we have an extraordinary group of alumni connecting through the Alumni Association, passionate parents and guardians plugged in through the Family Association, and numerous clubs and committees for students and faculty. The health of our community is because of this kind of engagement. 

As the world gets more complicated and polarized, leading to people feeling increasingly overwhelmed and isolated, it is through heart-centered engagement that we can support each other. That is how our community can thrive. 

- Ingrid Lakey '89, P'27